Fleeting Friendships
It's ok to be alone.
From an early age, I learned that friends don’t last forever.
That sounds harsh and maybe it is, but it’s not a negative (nor a positive). My first vivid memory of a best friend was in preschool, Charlie. I can remember exactly what Charlie looked like and if I was a better illustrator I could absolutely draw a fairly accurate representation of preschool Charlie. We played everyday, coming up with games on the playground and drawing comics. Those things sound very calm and pleasant but we managed to cause quite a ruckus during pre-school, things I still chuckle about today. Many of our games required throwing things and destruction and I will leave it at that, I'm sorry Mrs. Corelle. This went on for a year or so until it was time for school and when asked a teacher told me I wouldn’t see Charlie anymore because he was going to a different school, in Utah. I quickly rallied and my next friend was Alexander. We were great friends for a few months, but then he moved too, to Montana. This was, is, life.
I can think back on the many friends and timeframes I had growing up in a daycare, I can recall the friends I would climb trees with, the next group I'd ride bikes with and that one friend I'd jump across roofs with, all causing a range of mischief. I recall the new school years and the differences in each grade as a seemingly new collection of kids found their way into the classroom. Then the introduction of after-school sports or clubs and your friend net grows but it also may, most likely, shrink as it is constantly in flux as others experiment with new hobbies and places, it's what your are supposed to do as a kid anyway, be curious and discover things... places. You even become friends with adults as a child, with teachers and your parents' friends who may also come and go over the weeks, months and years. And in the end time rarely takes us at the same time. Social media tries to keep people connected and it can help some but it's only a bandage, it can never match those moments where you are actually sharing a space, an emotion, a time, a kinship. These connections are here today, gone tomorrow, and yet they continue.
Time goes on and what’s left of those friendships becomes memories, maybe a skillset or knowledge for the next kinship. In college, I learned about kinships, finally a word for a feeling I had experienced since childhood, in a class about collaboration and group dynamics. "Kinships in time" was what the professor always preached (it was 1 of 12 or so things he consistently discussed as things every human will ultimately struggle with in life). It was the idea that everyone we meet, from the quick stop at the bus station or a life partner, they are all just moments in time, whether they are tiny or long. These kinships, along with my own choices, guided me into who I am as a person, the experiences that help me traverse life both in the present. It was at the same time that I discovered picture books as a career direction... passion. It made immediate sense once it clicked as an option and it really felt that my life had been building to this opportunity, to tell stories and tales for children. Sparked by people I remember very clearly but haven’t spoken to in nearly a decade, they planted the seeds of interest for crafting picture books.
So I am three paragraphs in and I still haven't began discussing any of my own books and stories, and that is the purpose of this after all. However, this preamble is important because the first book I wanted to write is about these experiences of friendships, kinships. Growing up I was always told to make friends and that friends I make now are so important, all under the guise that these are people, kinships and connections, I will always know and have. As a kid, you don't ever think about losing friends, or I didn't really think about that. But when you think about it, it is pretty scary, especially so young. As a kid you have so much time to make friends and bonds with people that connections can form swiftly and feel unbreakable. In my experience there was a lot of 'friendly turnover' as a child and no one really warned me that sometimes those goodbyes are permanent, so I really wanted to create that story, that experience, along with others, for kids.
So what's a picture book? To me, a picture book has a truth to it, a reality of what it is like to be a child and ultimately human. It can leave the reader with a lesson learned or an emotion or memory felt/experienced. Something that reminds us that we are creatures of story, before story became just another buzzword for suits to peddle their huckster wares. Story isn’t for selling the next snake oil but for community, our tribe and connection. Stories are for sharing moments with each other and learning about our one shared experience, that we are all different, and that’s beautiful.
That is why I write: 1.) I write for my own kid(s), 2.) For myself and what I wish I had or had known growing up and 3.) Because I want to create objects, things, that create bonds with people, parasocial kinships in time that can grow with us as we move forward. Art has always been a truly personal and meditative experience, it's been so personal that I truly struggle to share the things I am completely passionate about, because the emotions are raw and real to myself. And that's always been so terrifying to me to share with others outside my close connections. I have this newsletter and it’s always been a goal to share what I do and make. And it’s time. I need to share these stories I’ve been working on for the past few years specifically. I want to start with what I feel is the ‘beginning’ of a loosely related series of books that I have codenamed ‘The Woodland Series’. The first book is simply titled Fox, after the main character Fox. It’s a story that will now make a lot of sense about kinships as Fox is lost and lonely in the woods when one day Fox is greeted by a Duck.
I have changed a lot as an artist. So, over the coming weeks I want to break down, spread by spread, Fox as I go back over it and refresh the visuals and finally share the words to this story. My goal is to finally share stories, that I have been working on for the past few years, that I feel are needed not just for others but for myself. In my practice these are things I need to hear and stories I must share with my own family and friends, they seem to enjoy them but it's a cliche on how accurate of feedback you can get from your mother. I have also been feeling that deep pondering of life purpose and I need to get these stories out there and start my journey and a true effort in becoming what I already feel, a picture book author/illustrator.
I look forward to the time we will share with Fox, then Duck, then Rabbit and finally Bear. Four books that have become a milestone or trail marker of my own life and experiences.
“Fox was lost and lonely.
Duck quacked. Fox waved hello.
No one had noticed Fox before.”
Thank you for reading,
-Caleb
P.S. Remember, celebrate the handmade.
P.S.S. Please sign up for my newsletter, because it helps me so much in sharing my stories and it helps you to get my next post in your inbox. The next planned release is on May 29, 2025. In that post I will talk about the first concepts for Fox, how I came up with the visual 'look' of the characters in Fox and the stories. Also included will be a deep dive into Spread 1 of Fox and the thoughts and choices I had and made when designing that spread, along with things I am still pondering about Fox.
P.S.S.S. I have one last thing for you to do, before June 03, 2025, please read Big Wolf, Little Wolf by Nadine Brun-Cosme, the next book that I will be reading and pondering like my previous post about Nonstop by Tomi Ungerer.